Monday, December 26, 2011

Grief overshadowing the holidays this year

I haven't done well on my blogging last few months, I accepted a new job position with H&R Block as an office manager and my time has been so consumed by training and children when I am home that this blog has taken a back burner to all that.

This time of year is usually a fun filled time of happiness with lots of family get togethers.  This year has been so strangely different.  The weather although colder hasn't been what I call winter Christmas season weather (don't get me wrong I love for work and travel reasons that it hasn't snowed) and for some strange reason it just hasn't gotten me in the same spirit of the season. Then last Monday (December 19th) I read in the evening that my sister had little ones at home with the flu on her Facebook so I made sure to keep checking her status updates hoping that everyone would be doing better.  By Tuesday she had written that one of her kids it was hitting harder than all the rest and so she had to take him to the Dr where he had given the baby anti-nausea pills and sent back home. Wednesday December 21 I was at work trying to get some cleaning done at the office when I read that Josiah had to be taken by ambulance and I remember posting that its always scary when its a little one I hope he gets better.  What I didn't know at the time was that he hadn't gotten any better with the meds given by the Dr the night before and as they were preparing to take him back to the Dr he had suddenly quit breathing.  He was with Jesus before the ambulance even got to their house and so they were unable to revive him.  I broke down in tears at work I still am having a hard time not crying at the thought of a child 4 years old being taken so early in his life. (you can read my sisters story on her blog: Duckygirl's recipe for happiness)
I have a shaky relationship with my sister but felt the call so deep inside and so strong that I needed to be with her so I made preparations for the 7 hour trip there.  Friday I made my way with my husband to Illinois to be with her leaving my 4 with other family and to hopefully spend Christmas happy if not with me.  I didn't arrive up there until after midnight so Saturday morning I went to her house.  From 10-4 I was visiting with my sister something that we hadn't done together in over 7 years.  We hugged alot and shared stories of kids.  She has such an unbelievable awesome support system up there to where someone is there for household chores and someone is assigned meal drop offs and I am relieved that she is so well taken care of in this time.  I had planned on staying however long I was needed for but was told that it added additional stress to an already bad situation so I left but had done what I felt was needed of me.  I told her she was loved and gave her so many hugs and got to be there for her even if it was only for 6 hours.  I still wish I was there but feel that pushing the issue might make more harm than good in our relationship but also felt if I had sat at home and not gone that it would have been seen as more unfeeling and caused harm so the trip was good for us.
We pushed home that night and made it in about midnight again, Christmas morning we were up and heading out once again to pick up my children when 30 minutes away from home my van lost all connection to the transmission.  Had to get someone to rescue us (thanks to my husbands mother) and changed vehicles to his truck.  We had a beautiful time with my family and the kids, good food, lots of visiting and presents but my thoughts were still with my sister in Illinois.  We had to come home and visit with my husbands family that evening so more food, visiting, and presents and when we had all our family at home we just collapsed exhausted.
Today Monday December 26th my nephew that I never got to meet will be laid to rest and I am crying so hard today thinking of my sister and how hard today will be on her... Please keep that family in your prayers today! 
My husband is spending the day collecting our van and seeing what can be done to fix it.  I hope that I am able to be on here more but starting January 2nd I will be working 6 days a week.  I may help put my mind to something else than thinking of the little boy in heaven now and the birthday he was to have January 3rd


  1. Carrie, I'm glad you went and showed your love and support, even if fir a brief time. Perhaps as time passes and things settle, you can plan a more extended trip. Love you both, Teresa

  2. Carrie,
    I am glad you went, I am so sorry You had to leave so soon. As a mother I know I would not want to go through what laura is going through, as a sister I cannot imagine not being able to stay and support your sister. I love you and I hope you have a good day!!! Call me sometime.

  3. Blessings to you for following your heart, Carrie, and making the journey to see Laura. I join with you in wrapping your whole extended family in light and love where the Lord can apply his magical healing. You are all in my prayers. Aunt Pam

  4. Carrie you are a strong woman and am so glad you followed your heart.....Laura i'm sure was very happy to see and hug you considering the situation....I LOVE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY<3

  5. Thank you for the sweet words from my family (Teresa, Kati, & A.Pam) I really wished I had a name for the 4th commenter so I could thank them properly too!